The Ofsted Massacre

Written by Phil Porter
Directed by Joe Murphy
Performed in The Sainsbury Theatre

In this riotously funny comedy, the teachers of Sussex Weald College are pulling out all the stops to survive their impending Ofsted inspection. Underhand tactics are called for if they’re to avoid an ‘Inadequate’. But as tensions rise, and with the threat of special measures looming, it isn’t long before drastic action is taken. As the two sides become increasingly entrenched in their hostility, things get personal and the situation swiftly descends into anarchy.

Phil Porter has written for theatre, television, opera and radio. His theatre work includes Vice Versa and The Christmas Truce for the RSC, The Miser (nominated for Best New Comedy at the Olivier Awards 2018), Blink (Soho Theatre and worldwide), The Cracks in My Skin (winner of a Bruntwood Prize) and Pinocchio at the Royal Opera House.

Mon 8 July – 7.30pm

Wed 10 July – 7.30pm

Thu 11 July – 2pm

Fri 12 July – 7.30pm

Sat 13 July – 2pm

Mon 15 July –  7.30pm

Tue 16 July – 2pm


Priority booking opens on 24 April (by phone) and general booking on the 30 April.

You can book your tickets either online or by calling LAMDA's Box Office on 020 8834 0550 (Mon–Fri, 12–5pm).

Price: £14 (£7 concessions)* Group booking: £9 each for groups of ten or more.

*Concession tickets are available to Hammersmith & Fulham residents, students, people over 65 or under 18 and those in receipt of Jobseeker’s Allowance.

You will need to provide proof of eligibility for these concessions when collecting your tickets. Please drop us an email to [email protected] if you have any queries about what to provide. Tickets are strictly non-refundable and can only be exchanged subject to availability and an exchange fee. Please book early to avoid disappointment.

Ticket Collection 

Please collect your tickets from our Box Office at least 15 minutes prior to the performance. You can find our full Box Office Terms and Conditions below:

Box Office Terms and Conditions

Refund policy

Credit/debit card payments are non-refundable under any circumstances other than card payment errors.


For access information, please call our Box Office on 020 8834 0550 or email [email protected]

How to find LAMDA

155 Talgarth Road
W14 9DA

By Tube
The nearest tube station is Barons Court, which is served by the District and Piccadilly lines.

Designer - Ruari Murchison


Mark - William Bishop

Frank - Benjamin Bridson

Declan - Bradley Craig

Ros - Chloe English

Yvette - Elizabeth Hammerton

Lis - Hannah Kenifick

Liane - Emma Laristan

Vince - Ethan Moorhouse

Grant - Stanley Morgan

John - Charlie MacVicar

Joe - Joe McNamara

Felicity - Julia Romano

Gordon - Nathan Ricard

Nicola / Izzy - Isabella Verrico

Margot - Georgia Warlow


Production Manager - Jamie MacDonald

Stage Manager - Imogen Adshead

Deputy Stage Manager - Michaela Field

Assistant Stage Managers - Nevison Kusokora & Tabitha Piggott

Lighting Designer - Corben Jones

Sound Designer/PSE - Oliver Simkin

Sound Assistants - Bella Kear & Ben Wright

Chief Lx - Amy Grudniewicz

Lx Crew - Emily Baxter, Elke de Valck, Evie Graham-Brown, Oliver Horne, Hannah Jarocka, Macushla McGown

Production Carpenter - Jaspal Jabbal

Construction Crew - Raveena Ambani, Lucy Bailey, Joe Capjon, Laura Howard, James Richards